Next to Normal in Under Ten Minutes
by iNvIsIbLe GiRl 12
Summary: A random fic written for my friend. A parody of N2N. Rated T for language and to be safe. Please review! It's my first story!


**A/N: **This was written randomly for the heck of it for my friend DD. So...don't be too harsh. It's my first story up here. Please review! I wanna know what I'm doing right/wrong.

**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own Next to Normal or Barney the Dinosaur. If i did, I think I'd pass out with excitement (except for the Barney part).

*The sun shines brightly over the little house on the little street!*

Diana: GOOD MORNING WORLD!

*It immediately starts raining and storming*

Diana: Shit….

Natalie: Self pity…self pity….self pity…

Diana: Natalie! It's four in the morning!

Natalie: Whoop dee f**king doo…

Diana: You work too hard!

Natalie: No I don't….

Diana: OK bye! HI GABE!

Gabe: Teenage angst….teenage angst….teenage angst…

Diana: Ok bye to you too! HI DAN!

Dan: Hi.

Diana: *bursts out laughing*

Dan: Why are you laughing?

Diana: Because there's so many innuendos!

Dan: I said 'hi.'

Diana: BWAHAHAHAHA!

Natalie: I hate my life….

Gabe: I think I'm gonna mess up my family's life today….

Dan: I'm gonna move right along!

Diana: FAKE OPTIMISM!

Henry: I-!

Natalie: HENRY! You're not onstage yet!

Henry: Oh! Sorry!

Diana: LET'S MAKE SANDWICHES!

*Sandwiches fly all over the floor*

Diana: Tee hee!

Natalie: I'm not gonna ask….Mom! Wanna come to my piano recital?

Diana: ARE YOU KIDDING?! Hell no! I'm to busy moping around in self pity!

Natalie:*sarcastically* Thanks mom. You really make my staggering teenage depression rise.

Diana: No problem!

Dan: OH MY SHIT! YOU NEED A DOCTOR!

Diana: Why?

Dan: I dunno…it's in the script….

*Look at the script while Tom Kitt and Brian Yorkey shrug*

Diana: Ok!

*At school*

Natalie: *Plays piano and sings about how she hates her life*

Henry: *Is magically drawn in*

Natalie: *Plays piano more*

Henry: *falls on face*

Natalie: Um…are you stalking me?

Henry: Yes. I MEAN NO!

Natalie: And you are…?

Henry: I'M HENRY!

Natalie: I'm-

Henry: Natalie Goodman. We've gone to school together since like fifth grade. I sit behind you in like five classes. The other day a pencil got lost in the jungle of your frizzy hair and I didn't tell you so…If you see a pencil, can I have it back?

Natalie:….Yeah. Creepy…

Henry: OH MY GOD! WE SHOULD TOTALLY START HANGING OUT!

Natalie: Why?

Henry: ……..'Cause……….

Natalie: Um….OK then…?

*At doctor's office*

Diana: Wide…open…spaces….wide…open…spaces….

Dr. Fine: Hi Diana! I'm-!

Diana: KARATE CHOP!

*Karate Chops Dr. Fine*

Dr. Fine: Ok, OW!

Diana: Oh. I'm sorry. I thought you were that guy who lives in my house….

Dr. Fine: You mean your husband?

Diana: Oh yeah!

Dr. Fine: Ok! TAKE THESE PILLS!

Voices: LISTING RANDOM PILLS IS FUN! SOUND OF MUSIC REFERENCE!

Diana: You're jealous 'cause the voices only talk to me.

Dr. Fine: Um…ok….?

Voices: MAY CAUSE THE FOLLOWING SIDE EFFECTS, ONE OR MORE: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! SOME THING ABOUT HEADACHES AND SOMETHING ELSE THAT CAN BE HARMFUL! REALLY FAST TALKING IS FUN WHEN IT'S NOT CONFUSING!

Diana: I WANNA SING TOO!

Voice: OH AND ONE LAST THING!

Diana: Yes?

Voices: Barney the Dinosaur is evil!

Diana: Ok!

*A few weeks later…*

Dan: Hi!

Diana: *mumbles*

Dan: You ok?

Diana: *mumbles*

Dan: Um….should I be concerned?

Diana: *shakes head and mumbles*

Dan: Oh. OK!

Natalie: Ok, now we just have to sneak past them and we'll be-!

Dan: OH MY GOD! IT'S NATALIE!

Natalie: Crap.

Dan: AND HOLY SHIT! IT'S A GUY!

Henry: Um….

Dan: Ok! Time to interrogate!

Natalie: Daaaaad…..

*they run upstairs*

Natalie: Wasn't this scene supposed to be before "It's Gonna Be Good?"

Henry: I AM DEEPLY AND PASSIONATELY IN LOVE WITH YOU!  
Natalie:………………………..

Henry: Shit….I did it again, didn't I?

Natalie: Yeah.

Henry: Ok!

*They kiss*

Dan: *With firehouse* MWUHAHAHAHAHA!

*Sprays large quantities of water at Henry*

Natalie: DAD!

Dan: Sorry! Just trying to keep this PG-rated!

Natalie: *angry grumbling*

*at dinner*

Dan: So have you ever been arrested?

Henry: Um….

Diana: YES! IT'S ALIVE!

Dan: What's alive?

Diana: MY CAKE!

Dan: Cake.

Diana: Yeah. Gabe's birthday cake.

Henry: WHO'S GABE?! SOMEONE I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?!

Natalie: He's my dead brother, you dumb ass.

Henry: Oh. Ok, continue!

Natalie: I'M HAVING A MOMENT OF RUSHING TEENAGE GIRL HORMONES!

*Runs upstairs*

Henry: I'M COMING TOO!

Dan: NO MISUSING THE HORMONES!

Diana: hahahahahhahahahahaha….it's a cake……

Dan: He's not here.

Diana: You don't know!

Dan: I am the one who….did a lot of stuff, but for time's sake, is not stating them all.

Gabe: I'm dead! WHY DON'T YOU NOTICE ME?!

Diana: GABE!

Dan: Now I'm sad…

*Later that night….*

Natalie: Grrr…..HENRY! I NEED ANOTHER RED BULL!

Henry; Ok!

Natalie: Henry…..This is an apple.

Henry: Oops! Heh heh…Sorry…

Natalie: What's an apple gonna do?

Henry: PRODUCE POT!

Natalie: Really?

Henry: Yep!

Natalie: LET ME AT IT!

*smokes apple*

Natalie: I'M INVISIBLE!

Henry: No…you're just high….

Natalie: MY DEAD BROTHER IS A SUPER BOY!

Henry: Um…

Diana: Hi Natalie!

Natalie: WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!?!?!?!

Diana: Um….I never said I _hated_ you…

Natalie: RANTING AND RAVING!

Gabe: MAKING FUN OF TEENAGE SISTER!

*The next day…*

Gabe: I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVE! I AM SO ALIVE! Etcetera…

Diana: Hey! Gabe's alive!

*spinning in circles*

*Enter Dr. Madden, the better, cooler doctor*

Dr. Madden: Oh, God, how do they find me?

Diana: OH MY GOD! YOU'RE A DOCTOR!

Dr. Madden: Why?

Diana: Hi! I'm overly depressed!

Dr. Madden: Me too…Well, today we're gonna try hypnosis.

Diana: Ok!

Dr. Madden: *Snaps fingers*

Diana: *in a trance* I am now about to reveal to you all my deep dark secrets….

*At piano recital*

Natalie: HENRY!

Henry: What?

Natalie: I'M NERVOUS!

Henry: Ok!

Natalie: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

*Breaks Henry's arm*

Henry: Ow…..

Natalie: Ok, I'm on….

Henry: Don't make a fool of yourself!

Natalie:………..

*at the doctor's*

Diana: And I never fed a llama again.

Dr. Madden: We're getting off subject.

Diana: When I was five, I got hit by a semi.

Dr. Madden: WHAT? Were you ok?

Diana: Nah, I'm just messin' with you!

Dr. Madden:…………….

Diana: Hmm…..What else is deep and dark and secretive?

Dr. Madden: OK! Diana, we've had enough….Now, how are things at home?

Diana: Ok…So my son's a little shit, my husband's boring, *starting to sing* _and my daughter, though a genius, is a freak._

Dr. Madden: Um, Diana-?

Diana: *full out belting_!* Still I help them love each other, father, mother, sister, brother, cheek to cheek!_

Dr. Madden: Diana, we already did the opening…

Diana: Oh. We did?

Dr. Madden: *face palm*

*Piano recital*

Natalie: *inhales* *exhales* Ok. Hi. I'm….*freezes up*

Henry: YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING YET!

Natalie: SHUT UP!

Henry: Sorry….

Yale Guy: Um…? Go on…

Natalie: Ok….*starts to play song, messes up* SHITTTTTTT!

Yale Guy: *confused look*

Natalie: *plays again, messes up* EVEN MORE SHITTTT!

Henry: *fake cheeriness*

Natalie: *death stare*

Henry: I got nothing….

Natalie: YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM WITH CLASSICAL IS? THERE'S NO ROOM FOR IMPROVISATION! GRRRRRRRRRR! RAGING HORMONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*In a Godzilla like manner, she knocks down the auditorium, leaving it in flames*

Henry: Wow…..

*at appointment*

Dr. Madden: Well, it seems like you've got a lot of problems. A LOT of problems…

Diana: IT'S A ZEBRA!

Dr. Madden: Exactly….Well, I'll see you next week then…

*at home*

Diana: CLEANING IS FUN!

Gabe: Hi.

Diana: OH MY GOD! LET'S DANCE!

Gabe: Why?

Diana: I don't know…

Gabe: Hey! There's a world where…um…where…?

Diana: BARNEY THE DINOSAUR DOESN'T EXIST?!

Gabe: Sure! Let's go with that!

*in hospital*

Diana: *under restraints* Ugh…what happened?

Dan: Di, you tried to kill Barney.

Diana: DID IT WORK?!

Dan: No.

Diana: Shit…

Dr. Madden: Well, Barney seems to be ok, although the little children at the mall are still all traumatized…

Diana: DAMN YOU, BARNEY!

Dr. Madden: Well, we've decided that the only thing that's gonna work is ECT.

Diana: What?

Dr. Madden: ECT? DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU?!

Diana: You already did. Twice.

Dr. Madden: IT'S FRIGGEN' SHOCK THERAPY!

Diana: Hey, didn't I see this movie?

Dr. Madden: What?

Diana: Where the doctor looked like you?

Dr. Madden: Would you quit saying the song lyrics?

Diana: Now I remember! They used shocking and everything!

Dr. Madden: What movie?

Diana: _Young Frankenstein_.

Dr. Madden: *steams emits from head*

*At home*

Natalie: I hate my life…….

Dan: Hi Natalie!

Natalie: Hello all-too-cheery father of mine…..

Dan: What's _your_ problem?

Natalie: I'm going through a teenage depression stage which has also been triggered by my stressful situations at home and by the fact that I've been secretly using drugs and alcohol behind your back.

Henry: *popping head out of the door* In other words, she's EMO!

Natalie: GO AWAY!

Henry: Yes, ma'am….

Dan: YOU MOM'S GETTING ECT!

Natalie: What the f**k does that mean?

Dan: You know, your use of profanity is really getting on my-

Natalie: WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

Dan: It's shock therapy….Ok? Happy now?

Natalie: I can never be happy….

Dan: Why?

Henry: BECAUSE SHE'S EMO!

Natalie: HENRY!

Henry: *screams like a frightened little girl*

*Later that night….*

Diana: Why am I here? Shouldn't I be under constant surveillance at the asylum?

Dan: Well, they figured out that you were potentially insane so they cleared you of the charges of trying to kill Barney.

Diana: Ok! Hey look! It's a light in the dark!

Dan: That was a bad pun.

Diana: I know…

ACT II

*At hospital*

Dr. Madden: Ok, you ready Diana?

Diana: For what?

Dr. Madden: The treatment.

Diana: Who are you?

Dr. Madden: YOUR DOCTOR!

Diana: Is this the Booth Theater?

Dr. Madden:......No more intermissions for you….

*at random club*

Natalie: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'M ROBO-TRIPPING!

*hospital*

Dr. Madden: Ok, now, recite Patrick Henry's famous speech and by the time you reach "Give me liberty, or give me death!' you'll be asleep.

Diana: But I don't know-*falls asleep*

Dr. Madden: Works every time…OK BOYS! LET'S DO THIS!*evil smile*

*Club*

Natalie: hahahahahahahahahahaha….Robo-tripping is fun….

Henry: Um….I think you're developing a problem.

Natalie: YOU DON'T HAVE AN OPINION IN MY LIFE!

Henry: Ok….

Natalie: *falls over* I'M OK!

Henry: I feel very oppressed in this relationship….

Natalie: I SAID BE QUIET!

*During the ECT*

Diana: HALLUCINATING IS FUN!

Dr. Madden: MWUAHAHAHAHAA! I AM NOW A SEXY ROCK STAR!

Diana: YAY! *gets shocked* OW!

*Club*

Natalie: I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING! COOL!

Henry: Um…I think this is getting serious. Nat? Natalie?

Natalie:*starts to hallucinate* Mom? What are you doing here?

Diana: You're in my hallucination!

Natalie: I'M ROBO-TRIPPING! IT'S SO MUCH FUN!

Diana: Um…I don't understand your slang.

Natalie: I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS! WHOOOOOOOOOO!

Diana: Is that a bad thing?

Natalie: I DON'T KNOW!

Diana: What the hell are you on?

Natalie: I don't know…A lot of stuff that I don't remember, oh, the little white things, and Robotussin! LOVE THE 'TUSSIN!

Diana: Ok, enough quoting the Second Stage version for you….

Natalie: Hey! I think I just passed out!

Diana: AWW! You made me miss Dr. Madden being a sexy rock star…

*in hospital*

Dr. Madden: Diana? Hello? You there?

Diana: HOLY F**KING SHIT!

Dr. Madden: Well, you're back to normal…

Diana; Why does my head hurt?

Dr. Madden: Well, we just inserted all lot of electrical energy into your brain!

Diana: Ok….

Dan: Hi people!

Diana: Hello Dan.

Dan: OK! Let's go!

*At home*

Natalie: *to self* Ok, gotta try to act happy….

Diana: Where the hell am I?

Natalie: Screw that…

Dan: You're home, Di. You don't remember?

Diana: Nope.

Dan: Do you remember our old house?

Diana: Nuh-uh.

Dan: Do you remember when Natalie was born?

Diana: Nada.

Natalie: Oh, that makes me feel so much better…

Dan: Um…Well, that's all the specific examples that the song gives us, so we're pretty much on our own.

Natalie: Great….

Dan: But I'm sure she'll be back to normal in no time!

Natalie: NORMAL MY ASS!

*at school*

Natalie: Grrr…

Henry: Hey!

Natalie: Oh, God, this isn't the "Hey" song, is it?

Henry: Yep!

Natalie: What do you want?

Henry: Um….You look like a mess….

Natalie: YOU WANNA MAKE SOMETHING OF IT?!

Henry: No! I just wanted to know…Will you come to this dance with me?

Natalie: No.

Henry: Please?

Natalie: NO!

Henry: Ok…

*At doctor's office*

Dr. Madden: So she lost 16 years of her memory?

Dan: Yeah.

Dr. Madden: That's gotta suck.

Diana: Where am I?

Dan: See what I mean?

Dr. Madden: So, Diana, does everything seem less cloudy now?

Diana: Well, in a way…and you're not a sexy rock star anymore…

Dr. Madden: Um….

Dan: What the hell?

Dr. Madden: I have no idea what that's supposed to mean…

Dan: But what do we do?

Dr. Madden: I don't know…Show her pictures and junk…

Dan: Ok!

*At home*

Dan: See? PICTURES!

Diana: STILL CONFUSED!

Natalie: EMBARRASSMENT!

Diana: I REMEMBER!

Dan: YOU DO?

Diana: YESSS!

Dan: YAY!

Natalie: ………….

Diana: YAY ME!

Gabe: *from above* Grrr…..Now I'm angry because…

a.) I've been underused in the retelling of the show and

b.) I've been removed from my mother's memory therefore, destroying my being….

*In room*

Natalie: *doing drugs*

Henry: Hey!

Natalie: HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE?!

Henry: Long story….So the dance is tomorrow! Wanna go?

Natalie: What makes you think that I'll say yes this time?

Henry: Optimism?

Natalie: No.

Henry: Shit…What I am supposed to do with my suit?

Natalie: Don't even go there…

Henry: How about if you show up, we'll go and if you don't there will be DIRE CONSEQUENCES!

Natalie: Ok….

*at doctor's office*

Diana: I'M STILL CONFUSED!

Dr. Madden: Are you talking? Are you remembering _anything? _Or is this just a waste of my time?

Diana: Sure, but I'm still confused!

Dr. Madden: Did you talk about your son?

Diana: I had a son?

Dan: OH MY GOD I HEARD THE WORD SON!

Diana: We had a son?

Dan: Maybe…..

Diana: *finds music box* Hey! Holy shit…I remember he died…

Dan: No!

Diana: Yes! How could I ever forget?

Dan: ANGRY FIT! *THROWS DOWN MUSIC BOX!*

Natalie: Holy crap, dad, what's with you?

Henry: That was slightly amusing. Can you do it again?

Dan: How the hell did he get in here?

Natalie: Don't ask…

Diana: Why do you stay?

Natalie: Yeah. You too!

Dan: 'Cause I made a promise!

Henry: Um…'Cause I think you're sexy…

Natalie: *slaps him*

Henry: AND I APPARENTLY MADE A PROMISE!

Gabe: I'M ALIVE! HAHAHAHAHA! You can't control me! Hmm…I'm gonna go sabotage Dr. Madden now!

*at doctor's office*

Diana: OH MY GOD, I HAD AN EPIPHANY!

Dr. Madden: What's that?

Diana: THE BREAK IS IN MY SOUL!

Dr. Madden: Um…we need to be more clear than that.

Diana: How do you get more clear than that, you dumb ass?

Dr. Madden: I don't know…

Diana: I'm gonna leave treatment.

Dr. Madden: WHAT?! WHY?

Diana: Because I feel like it…

*in the parking lot*

Natalie: Mom….I'm sitting here freezing my ass of in a nice dress…What the f**k are you doing?

Diana: I'm leaving my treatment!

Natalie: Great….

Diana: You remind me of me.

Natalie: How?

Diana: I don't know?

Natalie: HEARTFELT BONDING MOMENT!

Diana: I DON'T HATE YOU!

Natalie: I gotta go before Henry punishes me with dire consequences…

Diana: What?

Natalie: Nothing…

*at the dance*

Henry: Hey.

Natalie: Hey.

Henry: It's really hard to make these last scenes funny.

Natalie: Yeah, they're all depressing….

Henry: Do you like my puffy suit?

Natalie: DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY?

Henry: No.

Natalie: Ok!

*at home*

Diana: I'M LEAVING!

Dan:* a complete wreck*

*later………..*

Dan :*alone, crying huddled in the corner in the dark*

Gabe: Hello there.

Dan: WHY DIDN'T YOU GO WITH HER?!

Gabe: God, there's no need to flip out…

Dan: Gabe…Gabriel….

Gabe: Hi dad…OH MY GOD! THIS IS TOO EMOTIONAL TO BE FUNNY!

Dan: I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!

Gabe: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Dan: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

*Natalie enters*

Natalie: Um…am I missing something?

Dan: Oh, nothing…Your mother just left me and your dead brother and I just shared an emotional reunion.

Natalie: Ok….I think we need-

Dan: Some light?

Natalie: I was gonna say a councilor, but light works too.

*stage explodes with light*

Audience: AHHHHHH! OUR EYES!

Diana: I'm somewhere! AND I'M GETTING BETTER! I think….

Henry: Hi there!

Natalie: Hello!

Henry: You're….cheery…Who died?

Natalie: No one died.

Henry: Then it's the end of the world.

Natalie: No, just the end of the show.

Dan: *Sigh* All this stage commotion makes me confused.

Dr. Madden: Well, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?

Dan: I dunno…

Gabe: *Sigh* I'm nowhere…HEY! IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON! I LOVE BEING DEAD!

Natalie: Well, the show's over….

Dan: Yeah, I guess it is…

Henry: Now what?

Diana: We should probably do a curtain call.

Gabe: That would be helpful.

Dr. Madden: Ok, who starts?

All: Me! No! Me! ME!

*All bow at once*

Diana: So who's ready to do this again in twelve hours?

Audience: *Groans*

The End!


End file.
